Possibly you remember where you were 23 years ago and what you were doing when someone told you that the Towers were hit. I was at work, and we were attending our weekly chapel service when a man interrupted to tell us the tragic news. We returned to our offices, but none of us worked on our “to do” lists for the next few hours before we were sent home. We intently watched the TV and radio coverage wondering if more destruction would follow. As I drove home that day, I vividly remember how blue and clear the sky was. It seemed very unlike how I felt.

The skyline of New York was forever changed, and I, like many others, realized for the first time that others wanted to destroy our beloved nation. As a Christian with a missionary heart, this was difficult for me to believe. We had helped so many others to relieve their suffering and assisted in peoples’ struggle for freedom. How could this happen? I had always believed that we were honorable in most of our international relationships. Why were we so hated?

Although we were far from perfect, we didn’t take one inch of land after World Wars I and II. In fact, we helped to rebuild Japan and Europe. Through the Marshall Plan we provided substantial economic aid to Europe. And we did not punish Japan for their attacks on us; we rebuilt their infrastructure and economy. Today, Germany and Japan are our allies.

Amid all the carnage of September 11, we began to hear testimonies of escape: people whose cars failed that morning so they couldn’t go to work at the Towers, and others who woke up sick and couldn’t go to work. We rejoiced in these accounts of God’s protection, but wondered why were some spared and others died?

I had no answers. Some people said September 11 happened to bring us to our knees in repentance and worship. We were certainly a sinful nation in many ways and changes needed to be made. While we will never know the exact reason, we know that God allows suffering, and we have a choice when faced with such a dilemma. For several weeks after the tragedy, people flocked to churches, and there seemed to be a genuine spirit of repentance. But it didn’t last.

As widows, we suffer. We go through the same stages of grief that the 9/11 families experienced. In difficult times, we have two choices: suffering either takes us closer to God or further away from Him. I know people who become very angry with God during illness. They view their pain and loss as anger from a vengeful God. They are convinced that God has forsaken them, that their life is no longer valuable, and that the God of this universe cares nothing about those who are hurting. I believe that God is especially close during times of deep suffering.

Nearly 70 percent of the Psalms addresses suffering (laments), written when David was in the depths of despair. For instance, Psalm 3 was written when David was fleeing from his son who was trying to seize the government. David pleaded for God to deliver him in Psalms 4 and 5. In Psalm 7, David says, “[S]ave and deliver me from all who pursue me, or they will tear me like a lion and rip me to pieces with no one to rescue me.” In each of the lament Psalms, David acknowledged his pain and suffering, but he also confirms God’s faithfulness and praises Him. After pleading for relief in Psalm 4, David ends with, “I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety” (v. 8).

The pain that we as widows experience can be almost impossible to bear. How are we going to financially survive? When will we ever be able to sleep normally again? What is this emptiness I feel? Will it ever go away? Will our friends still include me? How can I finish the projects we started? Do I move? Do I look for a different, better-paying job? The questions are endless.

In every problem, we can look to Scripture. Psalm 46:1-2 says, “God is our refuge and strength, and ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear.” Psalm 34:4 says, “I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.” Trusting the Lord when the walls are caving in is not an easy process. As you wait for God to solve those big problems, praise Him for those daily, even small, answers to prayer.