It’s hard to believe we are beginning the fourth week of 2018. If statistics are correct, about half of us made one or more New Year’s resolutions, and some of us have already given up on the possibility of achieving that goal. A Forbes report noted that only 8% of people making resolutions actually accomplish their desired results by the end of the year.

Although I want to exercise more, take vitamins more regularly, and make healthy eating choices, I decided to make a different type of a resolution this year. I would like to look back on 2018 and be able to say that I’ve become a more grateful, thankful person. As I’ve tumbled into bed at night the last couple of weeks, I’ve tried to include thanking the Lord for things that I often take for granted: a warm home, a comfortable bed, clean sheets, and cozy blankets. I hope throughout the year to make thankfulness part of my daily living, but I’m sure it will take work and deliberate thinking.

As widows, it’s so easy to think about what we’ve lost or what we no longer have. Earlier this week, a couple in front of me exchanged a loving glance as the man put his arm around his wife. I smiled and thought, Now wouldn’t that be nice? I would assume these kinds of thoughts will always be part of widows’ lives. It’s part of acknowledging our losses, and we are normal human beings who desire loving touches. During 2018, I hope to include grateful thoughts for the privilege of seeing loving couples.

For the past several years, I’ve asked the Lord in December to lead me to a Scripture to govern the coming new year. A couple of passages have been significant guides as circumstances developed during those years. This year I’ve chosen Romans 15:13: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

In meditating on this Scripture, I realized that joy and peace do not come from my circumstances, possessions, family, or friends. God is the Source. My responsibility is to trust Him in each circumstance. Joy and peace then generate abundant hope, which comes to us through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Maybe you can join me this year on my journey in thankfulness. May He fill all of us with joy, peace, and hope.

For most of us, the holidays seem to turn our thoughts to childhood memories of family and past Thanksgivings and Christmastimes. Since part of my afternoon was spent getting the car serviced, my mind drifted back to  great Aunt Helen (Grandmother’s sister) and her husband, Bill, who would come in a small, shiny, black coup to Grandma’s for the holidays. I was about 4 years old and was sure they were rich. Of course, I did not know then that the car was possibly 10-15 years old.

Cars fascinated me because neither my parents nor grandparents owned one. When Aunt Helen and Uncle Bill left to go home, I would squeeze into the back seat and ride to the end of the block where they would drop me off. I can even remember the happy feeling of walking back to the house.

The first car I remember my dad purchasing was an old forest green Studebaker that I’m not sure was very reliable. Several weeks before my 9^th birthday, I committed my life to Christ in that old car as my parents and two other adults talked about the Second Coming of Christ while we traveled to church. That decision has impacted my entire life.

I look back with nostalgia and gratefulness on those days, but those old cars did not travel fast and were not nearly as comfortable as today’s models. Imagine with me the slow, laborious traveling during Christ’s time here on earth.

Mary was on a donkey, not in a nice SUV, as she and Joseph traveled the 90 miles from Nazareth to Bethlehem. You and I could easily make that journey in about an hour and a half on an Interstate. For Mary and Joseph, the trip could have taken as many as nine or ten days. Besides unpaved and hilly roads and harsh weather, the area was known for robbers and wild animals. It must have been terribly uncomfortable for Mary who was in her last month of pregnancy.

In reading the gospels of Matthew and Luke, we have a detailed account of those days (Matthew 1-2; 2 Luke 2). Luke tells us that the couple went from Nazareth to Bethlehem because Caesar Augustus decreed that a census be taken. He describes Jesus’ birth, the glorious angel choir, and the shepherds. Matthew recounts the travels of the Wisemen and Herod’s killing spree in his attempt to destroy the Christ Child. When Jesus was eight days old, Mary and Joseph journeyed to Jerusalem where they presented Him “to the Lord as it is written in the Law” (Luke 2:22-24), which was another day’s journey. Then Matthew includes the family’s escape to Egypt, a trek of more than 600 miles. That must have been a very laborious trip with a young baby. Finally they travel back to Israel and settled in Nazareth.

As we travel to and fro this holiday season, may we be reminded of the greatest trip ever taken–when Jesus left heaven and took on the form of man. John’s gospel says, “The Word (Jesus) became flesh and made his dwelling among us…” (John 1:14). His birth, death, and resurrection made it possible for us to be forgiven and to be transported one day from this earth to heaven. What a great journey that will be!

These past few weeks have been very distressing with one disaster after another. We mourn and pray with those who have lost loved ones and all their possessions in the hurricanes, the earthquake in Mexico, and the volcanic eruptions in the Pacific. As I write this morning, Hurricane Nate is roaring in the Gulf and projected to generate devastating winds and rain to parts of Louisiana and Alabama.

These natural disasters have brought great heartache to thousands of people. But how can we even wrap our minds around the horrific massacre in Las Vegas. Words cannot explain our shock and unbelief at the unspeakable evil demonstrated in one man’s actions. How could anyone hate with such intensity and be driven to this depravity? Where is reverence for life or respect for humanity in general? We grieve for the loss of life and those still suffering in hospitals. We long for the insanity we see in our nation to end.

I remember as a young adult having the same feelings of utter shock when Charles Manson’s group murdered five people on August 9, 1969. The perversion was monstrous, and I couldn’t bear to look at the evil in his face. Less than a week later, people were stunned and horrified when TV and newspaper photos surfaced of young people at Woodstock in New York tripping out on psychedelic drugs, snorting acid, and walking around like zombies in drug-induced haze. Then on August 18, Camille swept into the Gulf as a category-5 hurricane, causing great damage in Mississippi, Louisiana, and Alabama. More than 250 people died. What an August that was!

Something else was brewing, however, in 1969 and the early 70s–the Jesus Movement. Even as the Vietnam War protests intensified, God began to supernaturally change people’s lives in the middle of San Francisco’s Haight-Ashbury hippie culture. As the revival spread over the next several years, thousands of young adults committed their lives to Christ. It was refreshing to witness their simplicity to the gospel, their dedication to evangelism, and their abandonment of the drug culture. New fellowships of churches developed, and young adult believers gave renewed vibrancy to established congregations. The movement also gave birth to great Christian music that expressed a passionate relationship with Christ.

Historians tell us that intense prayer precedes great revivals, and I’m sure the Jesus Movement was no exception. Today people across our nation are asking God to send revival–another Great Awakening. Only God can bring order out of the chaos of our racial issues, political divide, increase in drugs, rise in crime, breakdown of the family, and the general uncertainty that we feel daily. Just as God brought new life into the church in the late 60s and throughout the 70s through the Jesus Movement, He can send a sweeping revival once again.

In the early days of the Church, the apostle Peter declared, “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord” (Acts 3:19). We certainly need “times of refreshing” now. I am anticipating the time soon when God breathes new life into our nation through another Great Awakening.

 

When my husband first became ill many years ago, we were determined to “put on a happy face.” (Maybe you remember that old Dick VanDyke song.) Little did we know that we were in the first stage of grief—denial. I’m sure our optimism was both perplexing to some people and admired by others. The truth is that we were simply ignorant of the devastating consequences of the disease. We were young and could conquer anything.

As the weeks and months passed and the prognosis became more negative, reality set in. Never would life be the same. Our well-defined roles vanished, and I was overwhelmed with the responsibilities of our “new normal.” Thinking that Job in the Old Testament had gone through loss and devastation like no one else on earth, I decided to study the book to discover the keys to overcoming heartache. (This may have been my bargaining stage of grief.)

Of course, Job’s faith-affirming words spoke to me and even strengthened my faith:

• “Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him (God)” (Job 13:15).
• “I know that my Redeemer lives and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. Yet in my flesh I will see God: I myself will see him with my own eyes – I, and not another. How my heart years within me” (Job 19:25-27).
• “But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold” (Job 23:10).

I had known these Scriptures, and they were meaningful to me, but I was looking for something new. After weeks of reading and finding nothing that “clicked” with me, I chalked up the time to a good Bible study.

It would be years before I understood the truths of Job, chapters 38-41—God’s words to Job. In those closing chapters, God was simply telling Job that his knowledge was finite and could not compared to the all-knowing God, Who was both Creator and Controller. Job’s responsibility was to trust God Who knows everything. I came to realize that God did not allow those terrible losses to destroy Job but to bring him to a realization of who God is. The same was true for me. God did not allow difficulties to destroy me, but to bring me closer to Him. In 42:5, Job says, “My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.” Job declared God’s sovereignty in all things. I’m rather sure that Job’s restoration, which is recounted in the last six verses of the book, covered many years.

In these last few weeks we have seen great devastation with hurricanes and flooding in Texas, Florida, Georgia and South Carolina and fires in California, Washington, Oregon, Idaho, and Montana. Some people have lost everything and are in the throws of great grief. We grieve for and with them and are helping through those who are responding to the tragedies. But what is God saying?

Just as with Job, God wants us to know that these great challenges are not to destroy us as Americans. So God is calling us—all of us—to examine our lives in these difficult days. He wants us to acknowledge that in ourselves we have no power to make changes. He is waiting for us to call out for His help. It’s His desire to make something wonderful out of the every tragedy, disappointment, challenge, and problem in our lives.

 

 

While shopping in the mall a number of months ago, I was attracted to a new car with a sign that read, “Win this car or $25,000.” Wow! As a widow, a little extra money is always welcomed, so I filled out the slip of paper with my name, address, and phone number and added it to the already full box of entrants. I forgot about the contest until a phone call two days ago.

Since I don’t answer calls from unknown phone numbers, the call went to voice mail. The man said, “Congratulations. You are a winner! Your name has been chosen from the names recently submitted at the mall. You may be eligible to win a 2017 car or $25,000. Please call this number to receive your prize.” Of course, I called the number.

The young man who answered seemed excited that I responded and said, “Your name has been chosen and you are eligible to enter the contest to receive the grand prize or a great consolation prize.” I knew immediately the contest had been a sales gimmick, but I continued to listen. “I have a few questions to verify your entry and eligibility. First, are you married?” When I answered, “No,” the call ended without the young man even giving a polite good-bye.

In that company’s policy manual, widowhood disqualified me for the prize, but God has a very different view of widows. His policy manual – the Bible – honors widows, and even rebukes those who cheats them or disrespects them. (See Scriptures below**) I, as a widow, am a child of God and eligible to receive every benefit offered in His Word. Not one promise has a clause that excludes me because I have no husband.

It’s true that our loss is great, and many times we may feel less qualified in the world’s eyes. But God has promised …

*To supply our every need (Philippians 4:19)

*To be a friend that sticks “closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24; Psalm 34:18)

*To comfort us in our loss (2 Corinthians 1:3-4; Psalm 10:14)

*To replace our sadness with joy (Psalm 16:11; 30:11)

*To be our defender (Psalm 27:5; 28:7; 31:2-3; 32:7; 46:1-11)

We, as widows, have riches beyond what any earthly company can offer.

**Scriptures (NIV)

Deuteronomy 10:18 – He [God] defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow.

Psalm 68:4-5 – Sing to God, sing praise to his name, extol him who rides on the clouds – his name is the LORD – and rejoice before him. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows is God in his holy dwelling.

Psalm 146:9 – The Lord watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but he frustrates the way of the wicked.

Proverbs 15:25 –The Lord tears down the proud man’s house but he keeps the widow’s boundaries intact.

Isaiah 1:17 – Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.

James 1:27 – Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after the orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

 

 

The news seems to get more alarming every day. Violence, murder, and corruption are always in the headlines. Early yesterday morning journalists told us that a cyber attack hit 100,000 companies in 150 nations, a 19-year-old was killed in a hazing event at a prestigious university, atrocities continue in Syria, and North Korea launched another missile. Depressing, disturbing, fearful, even heartbreaking!

In a 2015 Huffington Press article, Dr. Graham Davey, a specialist in the psychological effects of media violence, said, “Violent media exposure can exacerbate or contribute to the development of stress, anxiety, depression, and even post-traumatic stress disorder.” This includes TV shows that are supposed to be entertaining but are full of violence and crime. So watching TV or surfing the Internet to discover the latest Washington political scandal or the most recent terror threat can be dangerous to our health because of the fear and anxiety it generates.

And the fear producing news doesn’t end with violence. We are constantly bombarded with the latest negative health issues. Water bottles release BPA, an industrial chemical that can seep into our food and cause disease. Cell phones emit radio waves from their antennas that may cause cancer. Fruit juices are no longer a healthy morning drink; whole wheat bread is a no-no. And bananas, which are rich in potassium and magnesium, cause belly fat. Don’t even think about eating potato chips, crackers, or pastries. It’s no wonder that we have fear, stress and anxiety. Solomon was right when he said, “An anxious heart weighs a man (woman) down” (Proverbs 12:25).

Veteran science journalist Jeff Wise says, “It [fear] sabotages our ability to think clearly and can drive us to blind panic.” Jim Folk, another authority on fear and anxiety, says, “The body always produces an associated stress response to each fear, and one that is directly proportional to the level of fear. We don’t escape this reaction.” Dr. Carol Peters-Tanksley, a medical physician and also a widow, says, “Anxiety is the number one medical health issue among adults.”

So what are we to do with this anxiety, fear, and stress? Should we simply refuse to watch the news or read negative information since all of this doom and gloom can be damaging to our physical, mental and emotional health? Dr. Tanksley gives several ways we can avoid the pain associated with fear, anxiety, and stress.

• Eat non-processed food, including lean protein, fruits, and vegetables.
• Drink lots of water.
• Participate in 30 minutes of aerobic exercise most days.
• Get 7-8 hours of sleep.
• Have a medical exam if you haven’t done so recently.
• Choose your thought life. Reject thoughts full of bitterness, negativity, entitlement, powerlessness, and the past.
• Focus your thoughts on what is true, on gratitude, on what you can do, helping others, and on God.
• Face evil with calmness and authority, knowing that God is in complete control.
• Spend time in prayer; meditate on His Word.
• Focus on your God-given gifts and the mission He has given you.
• Don’t give up.

To her list, I would like to add –

• Listen to uplifting music.
• Build relationships with other widows.
• Make time for fun.
• Read a faith-building book.
• And, of course, don’t forget the chocolate!!!!

As widows we deal with tremendous loss, which in itself causes much stress. But as we ask God for His help, meditate on His Word, and build relationships with other widows, our stress, anxiety, and fear will be replaced with joy, gratefulness, and peace.

Scriptures to meditate on:

“He [the person who honors the Lord] will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord” (Psalm 112:7).

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7).

“When anxiety was great within me, your [God’s] consolation brought joy to my soul” (Psalm 94:10).

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own” (Matthew 6:34).

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day – another difficult celebration for widows. We’re just recovering from the Christmas holidays, but those high-powered ads won’t let us forget our loss. For weeks, the stores have featured chocolate candies in red heart-shaped boxes and beautiful flower displays to entice shoppers. Even at church yesterday, it seemed that more couples were holding hands and exchanging tender looks as they left. (Maybe I was just more conscious of it.) I must admit that I felt a twinge of jealousy.

Valentine’s Day was a topic at work today too, and it led to some interesting discussions. One woman laughed as she told of her early marriage days when money was scarce. To celebrate their anniversary, she and her husband would go to a card store together and choose the best card that expressed their loving thoughts for each other. They would exchange the cards, read them, and then return them to their appropriate racks. What a creative and sweet idea!

If this is your first Valentine’s Day alone, those of us who have been on this journey for several years know that it’s painful and especially lonely. Being grateful for the good times helps to soothe an aching heart, but I’m convinced that only God can heal a broken heart.

Some of you may not have experienced a warm, loving relationship. Your grief is compounded with regret. But God can restore your heart too. In fact, the Psalmist David says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted” (Psalm 34:18), and “He heals the brokenhearted” (Psalm 147:3). The prophet Isaiah tells us that one of the Messiah’s main purposes is to heal the brokenhearted.

We may not experience a romantic dinner or receive flowers tomorrow from our husbands, but we can show love to those around us through simple acts of kindness.

 

Now that the Christmas tree and decorations have been packed away, I’ve been reflecting on 2016 with its happy times, challenges, surprises, and disappointments. Times with friends have been exceptional, and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the blogging and website process. I trust the “bumps in the road” have changed me, just as they were supposed to.

So here we are at the beginning of 2017. We have no idea what the weeks and months will hold, but we know there will be changes, whether we like it or not. I have my usual resolutions: exercise more regularly, cut out sugar, and drink more water. I’m doing well so far. Maybe I’ll be able to report in December that those goals were accomplished and have become good habits. Researchers report that only about 8% of us will keep our resolutions, so I’ll see how well I do.

What’s on your heart to do – to accomplish – in 2017? As widows, we have a tendency to just let life happen – to not set goals or make plans beyond trying to be more physically accountable for our eating and exercising. Sometimes we even have a “who cares” attitude, or life gets so busy that we don’t have time for personal enrichment.

I’d like to challenge you to dream a little. Set aside some time to think about doing something you’ve always wanted to do. Pray about it. You don’t have to be 60 years old to make a “bucket list.” I have a friend who had always wanted to sky dive. Now I wouldn’t do that, as they say, for “all the tea in China.” But about 20 of us gathered on a cloudless day last summer to watch the event. She was smiling from ear to ear. Traveling is more my style, and my dream list seems to grow each year. I may never take some of those trips, but even thinking about them brightens my day.

I’d also like to challenge you to include spiritual, emotional, and mental goals. Would you like to read the Bible through in a year? That can be accomplished one day at a time, and lots of yearly Bible-reading guides are available online. Podcasts, seminars, and even college courses are now available online to help us grow mentally.

My Bible reading today included Proverbs 2:6 (NIV): “For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.” The Message Bible, a more modern translation, says, “God gives out wisdom free, is plainspoken in knowledge and understanding. He’s a rich mine of common sense for those who live well.” WOW!!!! I’m glad that we, as widows, have a free source for wisdom, knowledge, understanding, and common sense. We will need it in 2017.

This is a mini-Bible study and different from a usual blog. I hope it will encourage you to believe that God has a plan and purpose for your life, despite your feelings of loss, discouragement, and sense of insignificance, especially during this time of the year. You are not forgotten!

Did you know that widows played an important role in Christ’s birth? Since it was prophesied that the Messiah would be born through David’s seed (Isaiah 9:6-7), Matthew’s Gospel traces Christ’s lineage through Jesus’ earthly father Joseph, who was of the house of David (Luke 1:26). He includes the names of four women –Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, and Bathsheba. Three of these women were widows. Each has her own story of love and loss, pain and disappointment, and restoration and redemption.

Tamar’s story in Genesis 38 is full of intrigue, deception, and cultural expectations that I, as a westerner, have difficulty understanding. Even God’s dealing with her two husbands is hard to explain. After being widowed twice, she had twin boys, Perez and Zerah, through her father-in-law. In Matthew 1:3, Perez is listed as an ancestor of King David.

Rahab (Joshua 2), as far as we know, was not a widow, but she serves as a great example of a person whom God redeems and then honors. Through her marriage to Salmon, she too becomes an ancestor of King David (Matthew 1:5).

Ruth’s life is chronicled in the Old Testament book by her name. It’s a wonderful story of lost love, God’s provision, and new love. After loosing her husband, Ruth moves with her mother-in-law, also a widow, to Bethlehem. To earn a living, she becomes a day worker in the fields, and there meets and marries Boaz. Their son, Obed, was the grandfather of King David (Matthew 1:5) and therefore an ancestor of Christ.

Most of us know Bathsheba’s story of infidelity with King David (2 Samuel 11-12). In Matthew’s Gospel, she is not listed by name, but is recorded as Uriah’s wife, a widow. After her husband’s death, she marries David and gives birth to a son who dies. Her second son, Solomon, became king after David, and was thus in the earthly lineage of Christ.

Luke’s Gospel also includes a widow in his recounting of the birth of Christ. Eight days after Jesus’ birth, Mary and Joseph took the baby to the temple “to present him to the Lord” (Luke 2:23). Anna, a widow who was also a prophetess, was there too (2:36-38). She spoke to Mary and Joseph and declared that Jesus was the longed-for Messiah.

The women in Matthew 1 were far from perfect, and after reading their stories, we may even wonder how and why God chose them for such a significant role. We may not have the importance of Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba, or even as Anna who lived a righteous life. But God has place for you that only YOU, as a widow, can fulfill. Not one of these widows knew that she would be an ancestor of Christ, or as Anna, would be able to witness the birth of the Messiah. None of us know the future, but our lives can have renewed meaning and significance as we follow God’s path each day because GOD HAS A PLAN.

We’ve seen little of the sun in more than a week–no natural vitamin D to lift our spirits. This is typical November weather. The gray skies with wind and drizzle seem to match most widows’ moods at some time during the holiday season. The good memories of past holidays seem so distant.

Sometimes it’s easy to ignore or suppress the emptiness during busy holidays, but thoughts of loneliness seem to multiply after we tumble into bed. For the most part, we don’t complain about shopping and decorating alone. It’s simply part of our single-again world, but there’s a longing that we can’t ignore when we see couples enjoying holiday tasks. We simply wish our spouses were with us to share the joy of the season.

Celebrating with family and friends is enjoyable, but the family dynamics have been forever changed. There’s a nagging sense that someone, something is missing. Even the empty chair next to us at the office or church Christmas party, where the tables are set for eight, is a glaring reminder of our loss. So, how do we successfully navigate this difficult season?

We must refuse self-pity, be grateful for good memories, and even determine to keep some of the old traditions. My husband enjoyed good–even expensive–cheese during the holiday season. So last week, I bought a box of crackers and small hunk of cheese that I would not normally buy. With each bite, I remembered those wonderful Christmas Eves when we were together.

Share your memories–especially times of laughter–with family and friends. I’ll never forget the Christmas morning the children came running into the bedroom and jumped on the bed. The old headboard broke, causing the mattress and box springs supports also to break. It was quite a jolt, but we laughed and then had fun the next day buying a new bed.

This also is the season to show special gratitude to those who helped us through the first difficult weeks. You don’t have to be rich to give neighbors some homemade treats with a note of thanks. Inviting friends or neighbors for brunch is always fun and will help ease the loneliness. You have permission to enjoy this holiday season!

Most important, don’t forget the reason for the season–the birth of Jesus Christ. We have hope of eternal life because He willingly left heaven, was born as a man, then suffered and died, and was resurrected. Listen to the carols, read the Scriptures surrounding Christ’s birth (Matthew 1 and 2; Luke 1 and 2), and attend Christmas services.

We cannot change the fact that we are now alone, but we can refuse to feel sorry for ourselves and choose to bless others during this holiday season.